Hot Tub Time Machine: The Heart Shaped Tub Still Exists in the Poconos

A Cove Haven Resort Tub in the 1970s. 

Motels featuring heart-shaped beds and hot tubs sound like a kinky throwback to 1970s porn or cheesy 1980s soap operas. Thank God they went the way of the 8-track tape, huh? Well, I'm more than happy to burst the bubble of any haters out there, because the heart-shaped jacuzzi is still alive and well in the Pennsylvania Poconos! 

I was on a Facebook group page of fans of '60s and '70s advertising the other day when a guy posted several photos he claimed were all from the now-defunct Mount Airy Lodge in the Poconos back in the day. Some of the photos were of heart-shaped tubs and one was of a giant champagne glass-shaped jacuzzi -- which, judging by the photo quality and the hairstyles of the models -- didn't look at all that old to me. 

My hunch was right. After doing some investigating I discovered that the photos of the tubs and jacuzzis weren't from Mount Airy Lodge at all, but from a couples retreat in the Poconos that still exists and seems to be doing a thriving business: Paradise Stream Resort. Actually, there are three resorts operated by the same company, Cove Haven Entertainment, that all feature the heart and champagne glass-shaped tubs: Cove Haven, Pocono Palace, and Paradise Stream. 

I realize that today is the last official day of summer and the last thing people are thinking about right now is summer vacation; however, these resorts operate year-round and Valentine's Day is only five months away, folks! You can thank me later. 

First of all, how cool is it that you get greeted with this sign upon entering the premises for Pocono Palace?

I didn't quite determine the difference, if any, between the three properties because they all feature suites like this:

And THIS:

And this, a gaming room containing arcade machines:

Tacky? Yes. Bad taste? No doubt. Outdated? Delightfully so. 

AND I NEED TO GO HERE ONE DAY.

C'mon, who doesn't want to sit in that insane, amazing, seven-feet tall champagne glass with their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife? (Provided it was scrubbed clean and disinfected after the previous guests checked out. How DO they clean it, anyway?)

Someone on Yelp actually complained that the place is "stuck in the '80s." Sheesh...that's the point! The suites actually don't look that old to me, but the style is definitely a nod to Las Vegas and the disco and 1980s eras. Some of them also contain massage tables with heat lamps, and mirrored headboards. Yow! I mean, if you're going to be kinky, you might as well go all the way. Even the restaurant's name at one of the locations is called Spooner's. This is the kind of stuff that Austin Powers dreams about. Bring your libido and leave your inhibitions at the door. 

All three resorts are set on beautiful Lake Eden in the Poconos and feature live entertainment, restaurants, spas, and a variety of outdoor recreation including paddle boats, bicycling, golf, tennis, snow tubing, and ice skating. 

There's also this kind of creepy Barney Fife-like dude (the resort's Facebook page says he's Officer Billy O; I hope the O does not stand for orgasm) that patrols the premises and busts couples for public displays of affection and hands out tickets. Better safe than sorry: save anything beyond first base for the privacy of your room. 

Now for the other bad part...reviews of all three properties are mixed. There's a lot of complaints about the cleanliness of the rooms and the jacuzzis (ewww) and the quality of the food. But, for every negative review there's one that raves about the place, including several from couples who claims they've been visiting for years. Also, the prices aren't exactly the Days Inn and of course, the suites with the champagne glasses cost the most. But for a special weekend or anniversary, isn't your sweetheart worth it?